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by Sandra Williams*
Comedian George Carlin got it right when he noted that we talk about getting "older," but never about being “old." It’s true, and I will admit (not out loud, but in writing) that I am old at 76. I believe it is hard to say because of the stereotypical associations with aging: forgetful; clueless; no longer relevant, interesting, energetic, motivated, “with it”; or as youthfully slim or attractive as we once were.
No one can avoid the physical changes accompanying aging, yet it seems some things have changed from a couple of generations ago when people seemed to look older than they were, and maybe more accepting of aging? I remember my grandmother, and other women, probably in their mid-forties/early fifties wearing what used to be called “house dresses,” orthopedic-looking shoes and having short, permed hair covered with a hair net. While my experience is anecdotal, and may not have been the standard, it was what I thought “old” looked like.
That is no longer the case. There are “products” and procedures promising to have us appear younger: creams and serums, botox and cosmetic surgery. Also, seniors now dress however they wish, blending in with the general population, or not! And many seniors were still fairly young when computers, smart TVs and phones, and early forms of social media were introduced, so many seniors are familiar with and use modern technology, though many, including myself can’t keep up with all the changes. “I don’t want to learn anything new, “ I and others I know say, yet, we often call our children or other younger people for some instruction, as we must adjust if we are to stay in touch and manage practical matters.
Nothing can stop aging, not keeping up with the latest technology, cosmetics, chemical peels, surgery, crossword puzzles, exercise, not even thinking positively. “You’re as old as you feel.” I love that one! We live in a material world and are conditioned to worship youth, and, while there is the notion out there that seniors should be respected for their wisdom and experience, often they are ignored, not consulted and even mocked: “Okay, boomers!” Hopefully, we don’t encourage it by still saying things like, “out of sight,” “far out,” or “Sock it to me.”).
At some point, we retire from the working world, and/or let go of some responsibilities and connections we’ve had. This can be necessary for medical reasons, or a liberating choice leaving us to pursue abilities and interests we have put off. Still, we may have the sense that we are less relevant and not as socially active, having withdrawn from the workplace, serving on boards, initiating and working on projects, contributing ideas to groups and/or organizations to which we once belonged.
Like life in general, aging brings change—some undesirable, such as those medical issues, and friends passing away, as well as diminished energy and stamina. The more desirable changes, however, can be huge and extraordinary: focus on our inner life; thinking our own thoughts; time to spend with family and friends; pursuing creative endeavors or interests; participating in, and contributing to our communities in ways we hadn’t time for before, and reviewing our life— grateful for past accomplishments (and future ones, if we so choose). The best and most helpful one may be having cast off some of life’s illusions, especially that we are in control and the unrealistic expectations we’ve had for ourselves and for others.
As I age, I feel a certain urgency to live life to the fullest—to “eat, drink and be merry” with those I care about most, and those who care about me. I devote time to writing; continue to learn; expand my consciousness (and conscience); try to understand things more clearly; carry on no matter my age or circumstances; and acknowledge the many people, events and places that have brought meaning and worth to my life.
We seniors also have our “castle of memories” to visit—bittersweet at times in a life review—the obstacles and the challenges, but also the gifts of kindnesses and grace when we least expected.
These are the small and large things I have been pondering, trivial, perhaps, in a universe of wisdom, mystery and meaning (beyond comprehension). Is this how it is "supposed" to be? This is how it is, and we must say, “YES” to life—its labor and loss, but also to the love given and received, and its abundant blessings.
It’s not over til it's over.
*Sandra Williams is a writer of poetry, fiction and essays. She believes writing is both therapeutic and enlightening: “When we become aware of what inspires us, our imagination is expanded, and we tap into our intuitive selves.” She and her husband, Robert, local landscape and mural painter live in Gilbertsville, PA and part-time in Rockport, MA. She is author of Moss on Stone: an historical novella and Time and Tide: a collection of tales (available on Amazon). Other writings at www.cosmicseanotes.blogspot.com
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