The Measure: What’s Love Got to Do With It?

From the Expression staff:

In recognition of the upcoming Valentine’s Day holiday, we asked our subscribers and friends to share a "love story" with us with the understanding that "love" could be defined in any way they chose--that their response did not have to be serious essays about the greatest love of their lives (though they could be) but could be more lighthearted.  Over the next few days we will share the submissions. 

by Phil Repko

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner . So, if you haven’t decided how to make your most significant other feel special on February 14th, I welcome you to the club.

Flowers? Wine? Candy? A romantic evening with all of the above? A special event? What’s it going to be? Too late for a romantic get-away. That requires planning.

Really, what is there to do when the holiday has snuck up on you while you were shoveling snow, scattering salt, or just hunkering down away from the elements?

The fact is that I don’t know. I have never been the most romantic person, and the overly sentimental gesture, the orchestrated one, has never been a strong suit. I lean toward the analytical approach to things, or at least to the objective documentary of things. I don’t adjust perspectives to consider scenery or feelings very often or very well.

Consequently, Valentine’s Day, or all those things that are ostentatiously romantic, are somewhat remote or elusive for me. Perhaps you have a bit of the same problem. What are we to do when the appreciation is there, and the gestures are awkward to even consider?

Fortunately, my wife shares my reluctance to be especially showy, so I have the advantage of knowing there will be no great disappointment with the low-key gesture or celebration. Yet a dilemma is still milling around here. Valentine’s Day shouldn’t be missed, avoided, or overlooked, should it?

Unfortunately, I have to be honest and say that my grumpy old man streak has widened. I will likely make no grand gesture this Valentine’s Day. Now, before you intervene and try to convince me of the foolishness of that acceptance, just relax. I have made no grand gesture on Valentine’s Day consecutively, for at least 40 years.

Don’t get me wrong, we have masterminded all the cliché`s and the tropes. We did the getaway once, and were unimpressed with our own efforts. We have purchased all the archetypes, the roses, and the spirits, and the lingerie, and the candy. All were appreciated to some extent, but none of them were all that important.

You see, when Tina Turner strutted down the street about thirty years ago, and asked, “What’s Love Got to Do With It?” we agreed in principle.

Quite simply, and especially now that we lack the energy and enthusiasm for romantic gestures, we are both pretty content with cardigan sweater type love, instead of teddies or boxers. Cardigans are warmer, and they will actually stay useful for utilitarian reasons, like keeping people covered and warm, especially in February.

Likewise, we may not be embracing our experimental sides when we settle for the West Coast IPA at the watering hole, instead of hoping the champagne bubbles will tickle the nose at some high falutin` hotel. At this point in life, we are comfortable with the choices we have made. In short, we have always been a bit inclined to be boring, and comfortable. I think it is important to emphasize your strengths in life. If boring is what you do well, you shouldn’t risk embarrassment by chasing bells and whistles.

My wife did ask if we can find something special to do this year, since we will be noting the 40th year of wedded “familiarity.” I was going to say “bliss,” but that would be accurate only to a certain degree. It would also be wrong to make a joke and pretend we have been largely indifferent. The truth is that love is best when it’s comfortable. In fact, love is best when it’s predictable, and that does not suggest a lack of fervor, excitement, or spontaneity. Rather, the predictability of support, and common goals, and consistent faith in one another is far more important than the flair or flourish of grand gestures.

So, I am looking for something to chronicle the 40th cycle, something that is not predictable or the same. I have been talking about the popular Alaskan cruise for a few years. Maybe it’s time to do that. I have also been contemplating the UK trip, a chance to see the Emerald Isle and such landmark sites. Maybe it’s time to sleep in a castle somewhere, or take a ride to the bottom of the Grand Canyon? Regardless, the celebration will not be neglected. 40 years is a long time, and ought to be marked.

I would ask for acceptance of an apology for my casual disregard for Valentine’s Day. If you are a big fan, I support your energy and intensity. In fact, I will support all of you in exercising full throttle investment in the Day of Love, or in recognition of any holiday. But I will ask some git of grace in return if I seem more inclined to demur. I like holidays. I like regular days too. I think if I haven’t done a good job letting my wife, or anyone else important in my life, know that I am giving and sending all the love I can muster, the holiday gesture won’t be enough anyway.

In any event, and in all events, show the love, man. Show the love.

More News from Boyertown

• Love: A Bizarre Affliction of the Emotions? Craig Bennett reflects on his own romantic history and "love and marriage" through the ages.
• "Robin's Library Bear" Joins the Bear Fever Collection at Middle School East Library Fans of Boyertown's Bear Fever community art project will want to know that a new bear has arrived dedicated to East librarian, the late Robin Sowers, and it's a real beauty.